Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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