Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
