I just saw a hot homeless man
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize