there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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