but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
