Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
