Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
