ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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