mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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