Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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