I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would ride that face into the sunset
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How naked do you want me to be?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
