I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
