So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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