I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
