He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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