I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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