dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I could fuck to npr.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
