WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
