Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
