Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
