Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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