ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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