I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize