You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
sex in a hospital.. check
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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