a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
