This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Still dying that you shit outside
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
