You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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