I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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