good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
