I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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