I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
