I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
