apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
