I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
