I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
