Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
