I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
