He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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