We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
