i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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