I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
false alarm. still invincible.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
