its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i out mim tonsoeep
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