I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
