i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well you can't waste a boner
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
