you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
