sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
