remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
