So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
