Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you traded sex for a burrito?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need water and some morals
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
