I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
