watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
