No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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