He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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