Apparently you make a good broom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
