This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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