How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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