I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
