I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
