WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize