we have pet lesbian snakes
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
