i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
