We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize