That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I love you. Go after that dick
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