guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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