omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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