Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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